at it again, again

at it again, again

"i'm digging a hole in your front yard
sorry, but you don't have

any"

snap

"any"

snap

he's snapping at me
as if the word is meant to
drop or fall or appear
from my gaping, speechless mouth

"any"

snap

"any"

snap

me gaping speechless
him digging breathing

"any"

snap

"any"

snap

"rosebuds, rose bushes, roses"

and i realize he hasn't been
looking at me.
he's looking behind me
eyes over my shoulder
the rest of my untouched lawn.

he goes back to his digging
already knee deep in front lawn dirt
and suddenly, understanding
doesn't seem an option for me.

"...and he would've killed me."

clumps of
dirt and weeds and grass
color my feet.
shoes are the last i think of
when he's on my lawn
digging.

"you should call next time"

with a hunch
dirt catapults over me.
at least the dirt had the courtesy of
peppering me, not covering me.

i

"where would

the fun

be"

out of breath
i

"come get some breakfast
it's barely three"

and he will, eventually
the third hole on the third day

at least it's my lawn where
he's at it again, again.

at least i'm awake to make sure
he doesn't bury himself.

cool lips to my beating temple.

salt of the earth tasting skin
pure as the sugarcane soul
rolling the cool sweat down
broad shoulders
warm against my
body
one with the sheets as i
roll beneath the heat of the
sensuality of the
movements
that are
lending a hand to my
reactions.
smooth as ice on a hot summer day,
sizzling with words only our bodies
have the ability to whisper between
each other,
we mince moans into bite-sized memories
dancing on our tongues as they meld
with the rapidity of our
souls tap-dancing on our hearts
pumping blood to our fingertips
burning passion into our
breath.
inhaling the intoxicating
brand of scent
of the incoherent pleasure
we branded into the pillow
as we acclimate to
every single inch of flesh
that we now share.
as refreshing as a
first kiss
with the smallest hint of
forever young
we soar into the horizon
of a moment we will never
ever
want to let go of.

september 13th, 2009

the lunatic of his dreams

"you're a lunatic," says he. i
smiled.
tasted something far too
beautiful
for words.
"if i wasn't," says i,
"would you still love me?"
the savory plush of his
lips
answered the question
for me.

circa june 2008

goodnight sir, goodnight.

i remember when
i remember when
i remember when
you cried a thousand unshed tears
right down into my washing machine
as we rocked against it nice and slow
it made the world so soapysudsygood
and we smiled so big when started to dry our clothes.
i remember,
i remember,
oh, i remember when
you first whispered in my ear
and i felt your smile on my breast
as we rumbled with a good nights rest
and a cold, dark knight in a car backseat.
i can still see it
i can still see
i can still see it
bright as day, staring back at me from a dirty window
sitting on the bottom of the check
as i clicked away my fingers on the smudged tabletop.
and i just wished you'd look at me with something more than
disdain.
so i just keep dreaming
and dreaming
and wishing and dreaming
that your arms will still be there to catch me when i fall.
but they aren't
i know this
i've tried falling a few times, and i keep landing harder than before
and now i've dug myself this awful hole.
can't ya see it?
can't ya see?
can't ya see it?
i'm surrounded by these layers of dirt
and i'm pounding on these muddy walls
and my fists aren't doing anything but making my hole deeper and wider.
until i fall asleep with the rain and the mud.
goodnight,
goodnight,
goodnight, sir.

circa jan. 2008

a late night conversation, a dream and a hello.

and i wish
wish wish wish
you were here with me tonight
and i dream
dream dream dream
of my reflection in your sights
for you see
see see see
that would mean that you here
so truly i know
know know know
that there would be something new

i think i'm falling
harder than intended
it isn't wise, or suggested
but i do it regardless
dreams singing screaming
silently reminded me why oh why
i've never let myself get this way
again.

she told him no
with her fake smile
she told him no
said good bye for a while
but that good bye was forever
no matter how hard she tried
good bye to something not intended
and she grew ever more tired

a heat
a heart beat
a smooth sensation of silk on the skin
words of prey
songs of sensation
sliding, sinking
revelling in the reminder of
tomorrows
a lingering know-it-all
in a trio of songs
and a poem

i don't quite understand
nor do i...
intend to
(three times so far, keeping count
goodgoodgood)
because with only four years
and a smile wide for miles
i'm secure in still knowing
that the world can't collapse
since i'm not ready for it to do any such thing

so smile some more for me
sing some more for me
let me pry some more
we may find something
we've both been looking for
or not.
its a chance, a dream
give me that chance
lets give life to this dream

something was lost in the
soulless ness of my eyes
as i was once emptied
i've got a lot of soul to lose,
so he told me,
so he said.
i'm looking for you in my stars
with my might warrior
please, if you can
be there, or else my disappointments
will continue to grow
more and more and more

sleep well,
enjoy it.
employ the intrigue
the mystery
let me mystify you
let me take your attention
...or at least entertain you
if only for a moment
if only for a moment.

circa jan. 2008

live to breathe

there's something
something about the way
the way a dreamer
dreams.
it's like the painter
who paints
or the dancer
who dances.
its that inbred feeling
that beating of a heart
or the way they breathe
and out comes a dream
or a painting or a dance
and suddenly there's something
new and amazing
original, blue and green
with lights of shaded hues
blooming in its own prime
soaring over its own sky
taunting those that just breathe
to live.
because when there's a
dreamer, painter, dancer...
they live to breathe.

circa dec. 2007

i'm not feeling all that well.

sick in the head
sick in the heart
sick in my feelings
i've been sick from the start
i don't know what it is
i don't know how it came
all i really know, truly
is i'll never be the same
it's frightening in mind
it's frightening in truth
it's frightening in general
gone with a broken cracked tooth
there's nothing left to see
there's nothing left to lose
there's nothing left inside my heart
except this untied noose
i missed out on my chances
i missed out on my dreams
i missed out on what matters most
now, forever it seems

i'm tired of crying myself to sleep
and of not being able to eat
i'm sick of feeling cold all the time
and forgetting to help my heart beat
there's a quiet that surrounds me
it's cold, it's harsh, it's severe
i always shiver, shudder, cry
because you're no longer near.
i guess i just deserve this
i really don't want anyone else
but it's okay, i'm moving on
and starting to love myself
at least i think i am
i can't ever really tell
there's something in my sluggish movements
that disprove my dizzy spell
the cloud over my head
keeps raining down these thoughts
and no matter how hard i fight it
i'm left in confusion of sorts.
i could continue to try a hand
a hand at living like i mean it
but i can't seem to manage
when my soul doesn't feel it.
so i'm sorry for all the pain
i'm sorry for the hurt, and the scars
i'm sorry that i can't do anything right
and now i just want to be amongst the stars
i'd be far away enough
to never hurt anyone again
even if it's a little disillusioned
i'd feel at least a little better then.
so dreaming has to stop
and hoping has to die
because really, it's just about time
that i sucked it up and said goodbye.

circa dec. 2007

good morning, good morning

good morning, good morning, good morning to you,
i'm sleeping
i'm tired
there's nothing to do.
my hair's all a mess
and my waking moments a few
but if you want me to smile
i'll do it for you.

circa dec. 2007

silence

s
i
l
e
n
c
e
p(uh)lease
fie-nding me
and it d.r.v.s
fasthardstrongfasthardstrongfasthardstrong
and yet
here
i
a.m.finding.
it's insanity
it
(drivesme)is faster
(a way)
it
(drivesme)is harder
(a way)
it
(drivesme)is stronger
(a way)
like the
b
r
e
e
z
e
in my hair
watch
watch
watch the branches
they
t
r
e
m
b
l
e
coolinthebreeze
warminthebreeze
asleep in my
lonely strands of h.r.
sleepsleepsleep
no more of this
false
felicity
afloat, asunder
unreal
tremblinginmysoul
i (finder) love
(of) it (you)
in my (and)
veins (me)
sobreathe
sobreathe
lungs, in my lungs
air, in your lungs
breathe.

circa nov. 2007

my quiet sense.

my quiet senses

five senses, one mind
sometimes its hard to reply in kind
hear see taste touch smell
somewhere between those cracks I fell
like a cool whisper on a summer breeze
something tickling my grass-stained knees
an assault of the senses, all in time
beating restlessly against my mind
my fingers traces your supple skin
and yet my heart can't seem to give in
a smile graces your gentle lips
and my heart abides to your silent nips
the tingling from my toes to my head
making me think things I used to dread
a finger pushing back strands of my hair
tugging my chin, kissing away my stare
our noses bump, a scent unfamiliar
eyes widen open gasping a sight peculiar
a tender lick for pure sensation
sends my body through to conversation
a raw desire to hear your voice
settle inside my curtailed choice
there's one more thing left
and it's all but left me bereft
because suddenly your gone
and these five senses sing a lonely song.

circa sept. 2007

why should i.

why should i
bother
when you already don't care.
and why should i
try
when you're already not there.
and why should i
need
when you've nothing to give.
and why should i
ask
when it's my life to live.

circa may 2007.