i'm not feeling all that well.

sick in the head
sick in the heart
sick in my feelings
i've been sick from the start
i don't know what it is
i don't know how it came
all i really know, truly
is i'll never be the same
it's frightening in mind
it's frightening in truth
it's frightening in general
gone with a broken cracked tooth
there's nothing left to see
there's nothing left to lose
there's nothing left inside my heart
except this untied noose
i missed out on my chances
i missed out on my dreams
i missed out on what matters most
now, forever it seems

i'm tired of crying myself to sleep
and of not being able to eat
i'm sick of feeling cold all the time
and forgetting to help my heart beat
there's a quiet that surrounds me
it's cold, it's harsh, it's severe
i always shiver, shudder, cry
because you're no longer near.
i guess i just deserve this
i really don't want anyone else
but it's okay, i'm moving on
and starting to love myself
at least i think i am
i can't ever really tell
there's something in my sluggish movements
that disprove my dizzy spell
the cloud over my head
keeps raining down these thoughts
and no matter how hard i fight it
i'm left in confusion of sorts.
i could continue to try a hand
a hand at living like i mean it
but i can't seem to manage
when my soul doesn't feel it.
so i'm sorry for all the pain
i'm sorry for the hurt, and the scars
i'm sorry that i can't do anything right
and now i just want to be amongst the stars
i'd be far away enough
to never hurt anyone again
even if it's a little disillusioned
i'd feel at least a little better then.
so dreaming has to stop
and hoping has to die
because really, it's just about time
that i sucked it up and said goodbye.

circa dec. 2007